I asked Bella if she ever feels like she is masking – pretending to be something she is not for the sake of others’ acceptance. She quite insightfully told me that all females do this…
True enough. Make-up, clothing, hair tints… to say nothing of the various emotional pretenses girls and women put on for the sake of blending in with societal norms – all forms of masking.
So I asked if she ever feels she specifically has to hide her autistic traits?
She said sometimes she has to hide her love for stuffed animals and younger toys. And sometimes she avoids situations where she thinks she will be misunderstood. For instance, she has anthropomorphized a stick that she found on the beach and she often leaves him behind when she actually wants to take him – not liking to bring him to a movie theater or any place where he might be misconstrued as a weapon.
But for the most part she says she feels that she can be who she is and doesn’t feel the need to mask. A relief for me to know that she feels mostly comfortable being herself.
Why ask this question?
Although most people mask their true selves at some point, some autistic people may feel the pressure to camouflage completely.
Masking autism may stem from avoiding social stigma, a survival mechanism for professional success, or a desire to be accepted in relationships.
Masking can cause emotional harm such as autistic burnout, emotional distress, and mental health concerns such as depression or anxiety.
If you are autistic and find that you mask your autism in specific situations, it’s helpful to lean into your self-worth and support systems.
If you support a person with ASD, you can help by creating a space of acceptance and understanding so they can feel safe to be themselves in any situation.
Cut to Bella’s new IEP (Individualized Education Plan):
Goal: Isabella will respond to (e.g., verbally acknowledge a peer, provide an on topic response)/and use appropriate language (e.g., make an on topic comment, initiate a conversation that a peer would also be interested in) when participating in group activities in 3 out of 4 opportunities as measured by data collection and observations.
Short-Term Objective: By first marking period, Isabella will appropriately respond to peers using learned scripts (e.g., that’s cool, I like that too!) when participating in group activities in 2 out of 4 opportunities as measured by data collection and observations.
Short-Term Objective: By second marking period, Isabella will use appropriate language (i.e., learned scripts) to initiate interactions with peers (e.g., have you seen this show? what did you do this weekend?) when participating in group activities in 2 out of 4 opportunities as measured by data collection and observations.
As the mother of a unique child who has often seen well-meant interventions take a turn for the worse… I ask you, “Where is the dividing line between learned scripts and masking?”
In difficult decisions regarding Bella, I turn to Bella. (Nothing about me, without me.) She tells me she would like some modeling and help interacting with her same-age peers so we are gonna give this goal a chance.
Meanwhile, I will keep my eyes on her authentic shining. May it never be eclipsed by the superficiality of any societally contrived mask.